its been a while since i last blogged. bas,cally wats happend in that time is that ive been losing my mi nd. it seems that lately my mind has been getting streched more and more and its ready to shatter at any moment. it happend once before and i lost all of my previous memories. i only hav a few memories before that. and by few i mean in the general range of five. ive been starting to fear that if i were to shatter, i would lose a part of myself again. id hav to start from nothing in the way i think and do things.many would see this as a new way to get ae fresh start. they have never experienced this before. it is one of the most lonely sad things of ones life. having no past leaves a lonely future. naturally one makes friends. but nothing can replce wats been lost. memories are a somberjewel that must be treasured forever. every happy memory i gain lately i try to appreciate as much as i can. im not to sure how long itll be till my mind cracks. it ffels like the only thing that helps as of late is wen im not alone. it always helps to have somone there with u to help u out wen u need. unfortunately i dont hav too much help, so im mostly on my own, wich makes repairing my mind all the more difficult. all the old things that used to help are starting not to work. it used to be that videogames or stories would help bring my mind back to charge. one of the reasons that ffvii was so loved by me. it helpd me put my mind back together and mold it how i think it probably was.but lately videogames dont help me at all. ive been trying to find somthing to help but i doubt that ill find anything. in the end i think i will probably have to start over ageain. i wonder how many times this will happen. has it hapend before. am i goi,ng crazy. is this a return to sanity. mabe this is a way that a different personality that a shatterd mind can express the outgrowth of a particular subsect of the pieces left on the floor.
i just want my inocense back.
posted by emperor @
Samstag, April 24, 2004
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24.4.04  |
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